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Are you really selfish?

I'll start this blog with a question.

If the last person who sent you a text message asked you to pick them up from the airport tomorrow morning at 3 am what would you do?

Think about it for a moment. Think about your thought process. Then read the blog below and find out if you are selfish, and whether or not being selfish is a bad or good thing.

I like to believe that to be healthy, fitness is only one part of the puzzle. You have to do so much more and lately, I have been really overhauling the work that I do, to include habits, meditation, flexibility, wellness, the mind and more.

While setting up a product that will release soon for total health and wellness I have been looking into why we as humans do certain things and how they can have a positive or a negative effect on our wellbeing.

So before we get too far into this blog I want to discuss three types of selfish people:

  1. The Martyr

  2. The negatively selfish person

  3. The positively selfish person

Of these three two are the bad kind of selfish and may end up with problems with your own values and in the end relationships.

The Martyr

The martyr acts out of a sense of duty and responsibility to act for the benefit of others,

excluding their own self.

This person will often be deeply miserable, never ensuring personal wellbeing, stability or happiness.

They measure their success in terms of the happiness of others, and not their own self.

This creates all sorts of problems and is a totally unhealthy relationship, whether between partners or towards children.

The martyr is the type of person who will go and pick up their friend from the airport despite having no fuel and needing to get up early in the morning!

The negatively selfish person

The villain in our story is a negatively selfish person. This type of person will expect that others do things for them, and they are very unlikely to reciprocate.

The negatively selfish person may be a partner who is overly abusive or selfish in a relationship.

It may be a friend taking advantage of another's martyr behaviour or someone who is so used to getting their own way they expect others to bend to their will!

This person will not stop to consider the effect of their demand on whoever it is they are asking, perhaps having the ability to manipulate others.

The Positively selfish person

No this is not someone who is really happy about being selfish that they proudly scream it from the rooftop, this instead is somebody who more or less has control of their life in a good way.

The positively selfish person will, before responding to a request for help, look at the pros and the cons. In our lift from the airport scenario they are likely to think about cost, do they have time, will it affect others, would the other person likely reciprocate and more, before giving their answer. It doesn't mean they won't pick up their friend, but they are more likely to analyse their decision and act on the answer if it is more mutually beneficial.

Sum it up

It is a basic premise of relationships that, whatever roles and responsibilities are shared in whatever manner, the power balance should be fairly even. Neither party should be made to feel obligated to the other

To sum this all up, the martyr will likely help others despite any negative effect it will have on others, the negatively selfish will expect help to the detriment of others and the positively selfish will likely consider all options before making a decision, and base their answer on a balanced decision.

So I asked you at the start what your answer would be, and after learning the different types I am sure you are realising that perhaps for different people you have a different answer.

Let us consider these:

  1. Your parent/sibling

  2. Your partner or best friend

  3. Your friends

In the above scenarios I want you to answer - Would you pick them up at 3 am, and why. Then I want you to ask would they do the same for you. Based on those answers you should realise if you have a balanced relationship or not.

If you don't then you or they are likely building up resentment with each other, and today is the day that you change that. If you are the villain do something nice for them, if you are the martyr perhaps we need to learn to say no!

Have a great and healthy day!

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